Film critic and best-selling novelist Christopher Smith chooses some of the most scathing reviews he's written during his 15-year career as a film critic for a large daily newspaper in the Northeast. Out of the nearly 150 reviews included here, below is a taste of what's inside:
Christopher on “Sex and the City 2”:
“More like ‘Memaws on Mid-Life Support.’ To see it again, you’d have to grab me by the Barneys and push me hard through the Dior.”
Christopher on “The Phantom of the Opera”:
“It had to happen—people were clamoring for it to happen—so here it is, the music of the trite.”
Christopher on “Here on Earth”:
“There’s nothing here that has anything to do with Earth as we now know it—unless, of course, you recently crawled out of a time capsule or happen to be Amish.”
Christopher on “Fred Claus”:
“Here’s a better title: ‘Reindeer Roadkill’.”
Christopher on “Ocean’s Twelve”:
“A self-conscious, self-indulgent heist movie you watch from the sidelines, looking in at all the A-list celebrities having a grand time being A-list celebrities while you yourself are stuck having a C- time.”
Christopher on “The Forgotten”:
“Choosing a title for a movie is crucial yet tricky business. For instance, should you decide to call your movie about a sweet-natured, bovine-loving girl “Cow Patty,” you certainly don’t want it to smell like one to audiences. I mean, imagine the headlines should “Cow Patty” be a stinker. Such is the case with “The Forgotten,” which you actually forget while watching it.”
Christopher on “Elektra”:
“Behaves as if “Daredevil” didn’t exist, which is understandable considering that that movie was such a dim bag of assorted chicken parts."
Christopher on “Spanglish”:
“Generates all the heat of a lima bean.”
Christopher on “Land of the Lost”:
“This crude, boring, horrendous little peep show from Sugarville is so bad, it stabs at your eyes. And then it stabs at them again. Rinse and repeat. Bring sutures.”
Christopher on “Rent”:
“Toward the nerve-jangling midpoint of the new movie “Rent,” when the story and its Bohemian-wannabe characters have whipped themselves into a high froth of full-blown camp, I waited for a break in the deluge of song and dance numbers to ask my movie companion a question: “Where in the hell are we?”
“In a movie script” came the reply.
Many of these reviews led Stephen King to say, "Put me down as an enthusiastic Christopher Smith fan. ...Smith is a cultural genius."
Other books by Christopher Smith:
"Fifth Avenue": A Thriller
"Running of the Bulls": A Wall Street Thriller
"Bullied": Book One in the Bullied Series
"Revenge: Book Two in the Bullied Series
"Witch": Book Three in the Bullied Series (June 2011)
YOU CAN REACH CHRISTOPHER SMITH AT christophersmithbooks@gmail.com.
JOIN CHRISTOPHER'S BLOG HERE FOR NEW BOOK UPDATES: http://www.christophersmithbooks.com/
***INTERACT WITH CHRISTOPHER SMITH ON FACEBOOK AT THIS LINK (JUST "LIKE" THE PAGE IN YOUR BROWSER):*** http://on.fb.me/g9Z1RY
Christopher on “Sex and the City 2”:
“More like ‘Memaws on Mid-Life Support.’ To see it again, you’d have to grab me by the Barneys and push me hard through the Dior.”
Christopher on “The Phantom of the Opera”:
“It had to happen—people were clamoring for it to happen—so here it is, the music of the trite.”
Christopher on “Here on Earth”:
“There’s nothing here that has anything to do with Earth as we now know it—unless, of course, you recently crawled out of a time capsule or happen to be Amish.”
Christopher on “Fred Claus”:
“Here’s a better title: ‘Reindeer Roadkill’.”
Christopher on “Ocean’s Twelve”:
“A self-conscious, self-indulgent heist movie you watch from the sidelines, looking in at all the A-list celebrities having a grand time being A-list celebrities while you yourself are stuck having a C- time.”
Christopher on “The Forgotten”:
“Choosing a title for a movie is crucial yet tricky business. For instance, should you decide to call your movie about a sweet-natured, bovine-loving girl “Cow Patty,” you certainly don’t want it to smell like one to audiences. I mean, imagine the headlines should “Cow Patty” be a stinker. Such is the case with “The Forgotten,” which you actually forget while watching it.”
Christopher on “Elektra”:
“Behaves as if “Daredevil” didn’t exist, which is understandable considering that that movie was such a dim bag of assorted chicken parts."
Christopher on “Spanglish”:
“Generates all the heat of a lima bean.”
Christopher on “Land of the Lost”:
“This crude, boring, horrendous little peep show from Sugarville is so bad, it stabs at your eyes. And then it stabs at them again. Rinse and repeat. Bring sutures.”
Christopher on “Rent”:
“Toward the nerve-jangling midpoint of the new movie “Rent,” when the story and its Bohemian-wannabe characters have whipped themselves into a high froth of full-blown camp, I waited for a break in the deluge of song and dance numbers to ask my movie companion a question: “Where in the hell are we?”
“In a movie script” came the reply.
Many of these reviews led Stephen King to say, "Put me down as an enthusiastic Christopher Smith fan. ...Smith is a cultural genius."
Other books by Christopher Smith:
"Fifth Avenue": A Thriller
"Running of the Bulls": A Wall Street Thriller
"Bullied": Book One in the Bullied Series
"Revenge: Book Two in the Bullied Series
"Witch": Book Three in the Bullied Series (June 2011)
YOU CAN REACH CHRISTOPHER SMITH AT christophersmithbooks@gmail.com.
JOIN CHRISTOPHER'S BLOG HERE FOR NEW BOOK UPDATES: http://www.christophersmithbooks.com/
***INTERACT WITH CHRISTOPHER SMITH ON FACEBOOK AT THIS LINK (JUST "LIKE" THE PAGE IN YOUR BROWSER):*** http://on.fb.me/g9Z1RY
