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    My Life as a Hooker: When a Middle-Aged Bloke Discovered Rugby

    By Steven Gauge

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    'In my late thirties, it gradually dawned on me that I had become Jason’s regular hooker. It was an arrangement that worked well for a couple of reasons. He didn’t need me to dress up in anything particularly risqué or to do anything too vulgar, other than cuddle in the middle of a field with him and fourteen other men on a Saturday afternoon.'

    Steven Gauge’s response to an impending midlife crisis didn’t involve piercings, tattoos or leather trousers – instead, he decided to take up rugby, and made a number of important discoveries. First, that in this ultimate contact sport, class divisions melt away in the presence of rugby's own eternal divide: the Forwards and the Backs. Secondly, though biting is generally frowned upon, it does occasionally take place and can be discouraged by applying Deep Heat to the ears. And finally, turning up on time with your kit is far more important than knowing what to do with the ball if it ever reaches you.

    By the end of his first few seasons, Steven had cracked his nose and various other parts of his anatomy – but he had cracked the game too, and found a place in the club as Captain of the Fourths.
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