“To me the sound of a metal bottle cap
unscrewing against a glass bottle is
the worst sound in the world.
To my husband it is heaven.”
This true account is my story. My personal observations and feelings as I lived with a husband addicted to alcohol, on a roller coaster ride of hope and despair, love and loathing, embarrassment and anger, dreading each day. I was isolated, confused and upset that I was not doing enough to help him.
You become worn down by the windscreen wiper mentality. The good guy, bad guy, drinking, not drinking, telling the truth, lying, worrying, hope, please not this time, maybe he will stop – or maybe I am going mad – perhaps it is me.
This is the life I have written about. How I slowly came to realize that I was always waiting, wanting him to change. Trying to change him. Wrong.
It had to be me who changed.
I describe how I reached these conclusions, the choices I made and acted upon, to improve my life. Without implementing change, everything will stay the same as it is now.
In writing this book I hope that some one else who lives with an alcoholically dependant person can be helped.
We are not going mad.
We did not cause the problem.
We alone cannot change the alcoholic.
We must change ourselves in order to get our life back.
Table of Contents
Introduction
Was he always like That?
How it is Now
The Windscreen Wiper Effect
Putting the Alcoholic first – Always
The False Front
A Life Dominating Problem
They Belittle and Embarrass
Someone to Talk to
Both partners become Ill
My Concrete Umbrella
Two Inseparable Personalities
Energy or the Lack of It
Isolation
Detox Units and Hospitals
When is a Good Time?
Antabuse
Cancer
Obligation
They Must be Responsible
What will They Think?
Hospital Staff
We Don’t Understand
Trust
Acting a Part
Not All the Answers
Is This as Good as it Gets?
Video Rewind
Slow Realization
First Small Steps
Beginning to Change
Contentment
Questions
Keep Seeking the Truth
Further Change
No More
More on Values
Detachment
To Leave or To Stay
Communication
The Two Choices
To Return or Not
Will He Die Without Me?
My Clear Conscious
Whether They Change or Not
Yes I Have a Problem
Individual Responsibility
Alcoholics are Not Fools
Maintaining the Façade
AA
Our God
The True Personality
Al Anon
Let Go and Let God
Accept and Learn
Sickness or Disease?
Cancer and Diabetes
A Tangled Mess
A Foot in Each Camp
The Wall
They Do Change
Something to Avoid
The Trap
Now – Not in the Future
Those Two Days
Looking After Yourself
The Heavy Lump of Dread
A Journal
Professional People
Declutter
Simplify
34 Years is a Long Time
Books
Future Help
AA is not for everyone
Further Reading
The Final Chapter
unscrewing against a glass bottle is
the worst sound in the world.
To my husband it is heaven.”
This true account is my story. My personal observations and feelings as I lived with a husband addicted to alcohol, on a roller coaster ride of hope and despair, love and loathing, embarrassment and anger, dreading each day. I was isolated, confused and upset that I was not doing enough to help him.
You become worn down by the windscreen wiper mentality. The good guy, bad guy, drinking, not drinking, telling the truth, lying, worrying, hope, please not this time, maybe he will stop – or maybe I am going mad – perhaps it is me.
This is the life I have written about. How I slowly came to realize that I was always waiting, wanting him to change. Trying to change him. Wrong.
It had to be me who changed.
I describe how I reached these conclusions, the choices I made and acted upon, to improve my life. Without implementing change, everything will stay the same as it is now.
In writing this book I hope that some one else who lives with an alcoholically dependant person can be helped.
We are not going mad.
We did not cause the problem.
We alone cannot change the alcoholic.
We must change ourselves in order to get our life back.
Table of Contents
Introduction
Was he always like That?
How it is Now
The Windscreen Wiper Effect
Putting the Alcoholic first – Always
The False Front
A Life Dominating Problem
They Belittle and Embarrass
Someone to Talk to
Both partners become Ill
My Concrete Umbrella
Two Inseparable Personalities
Energy or the Lack of It
Isolation
Detox Units and Hospitals
When is a Good Time?
Antabuse
Cancer
Obligation
They Must be Responsible
What will They Think?
Hospital Staff
We Don’t Understand
Trust
Acting a Part
Not All the Answers
Is This as Good as it Gets?
Video Rewind
Slow Realization
First Small Steps
Beginning to Change
Contentment
Questions
Keep Seeking the Truth
Further Change
No More
More on Values
Detachment
To Leave or To Stay
Communication
The Two Choices
To Return or Not
Will He Die Without Me?
My Clear Conscious
Whether They Change or Not
Yes I Have a Problem
Individual Responsibility
Alcoholics are Not Fools
Maintaining the Façade
AA
Our God
The True Personality
Al Anon
Let Go and Let God
Accept and Learn
Sickness or Disease?
Cancer and Diabetes
A Tangled Mess
A Foot in Each Camp
The Wall
They Do Change
Something to Avoid
The Trap
Now – Not in the Future
Those Two Days
Looking After Yourself
The Heavy Lump of Dread
A Journal
Professional People
Declutter
Simplify
34 Years is a Long Time
Books
Future Help
AA is not for everyone
Further Reading
The Final Chapter
