Finding our your son is gay might be difficult for a variety of reasons. Often, parents are at a loss, and struggle with some typical questions. We hope to guide you in this journey of accepting and understanding your son when you learn he is gay.
-Did I do something wrong?
-Is it normal?
-Doesn't God say it's wrong?
-Will he be different?
-I am uncomfortable with the thought of him being with another man. What do I do?
-How am I supposed to react right now?
-What if I say something wrong?
-I am crushed that I won't have any grandchildren. Isn't this unfair?
If you have just found out that your son is gay, or if you think he might be, you might find it overwhelming and have lots of questions. You might wonder what made him this way, or wonder what it means for his life. You could be feeling afraid, heartbroken or disappointed. Maybe you're hoping that this is just a phase that he will grow out of. You might even feel like you don't know who he is anymore and wonder if there is any way to truly accept him.
As a gay couple, our parents have been there too. We also struggled with coming out to our parents, and they struggled to understand and accept us. That is why we decided to write this book.
We both grew up in families that are very religious. Being gay taboo. When we realized that we were gay, we both went through a phase of self-loathing and tried to change who we are. When we told our parents, they were angry and confused. They couldn't reconcile what they believed in about gay people with the fact that their own sons were gay.
We can offer you the kind of help that our families lacked, based on our knowledge, research, and personal experience. In the book, we offer all of the information that you need about what being gay means, and just as importantly, what it does not . We give you clear, direct, and no-nonsense answers to the questions you might still have, such as:
- Is homosexuality a choice?
- Is there a way to change him?
- Whose fault is it that my son is gay?
- What about what God says?
- What does this mean for my son's future?
Helpful tips in how to talk to your son:
- What to say if you think he might be gay
- What to say when he comes out to you
- What to say if he finds a partner
- How to talk to him about your confusion
- What not to say if you want to keep your relationship intact
- What to say to other family members
The final section of the book gives you lots of clear, practical steps that you can take in order to learn to accept your son for who he is. Once you understand what it means to be gay, you can start the work of building a new and stronger relationship with your son. We give you guidelines to overcome your discomfort and resources that you can rely on during your journey.
We have personal experience, as we both embarked on a journey with our parents once we came out. We also work in fields relevant to LGBT issues and family research.
Grant Andrews has a PhD at the University of the Western Cape, and his research focused on fatherhood and masculinities. He is a researcher and lecturer. His professional focus is on leadership development and capacity building.
Malan van der Walt is currently undergoing training a 3-year Masters programme as an Educational Psychologist at the University of Stellenbosch, and works as a Programme Coordinator at the same institution. He also works with young lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people, and works as a trainer in the field of HIV, gender and sexuality. Malan has helped many young people on their journey to self-acceptance.
By ordering this book, you will equip yourself with deepened knowledge about what your son is going through, and how best to support him.
Please do not hesitate to contact us with any questions or feedback. This is not a commercial endeavour from our part, but a sincere desire to share our knowledge and experience to help families that are struggling:
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-Did I do something wrong?
-Is it normal?
-Doesn't God say it's wrong?
-Will he be different?
-I am uncomfortable with the thought of him being with another man. What do I do?
-How am I supposed to react right now?
-What if I say something wrong?
-I am crushed that I won't have any grandchildren. Isn't this unfair?
If you have just found out that your son is gay, or if you think he might be, you might find it overwhelming and have lots of questions. You might wonder what made him this way, or wonder what it means for his life. You could be feeling afraid, heartbroken or disappointed. Maybe you're hoping that this is just a phase that he will grow out of. You might even feel like you don't know who he is anymore and wonder if there is any way to truly accept him.
As a gay couple, our parents have been there too. We also struggled with coming out to our parents, and they struggled to understand and accept us. That is why we decided to write this book.
We both grew up in families that are very religious. Being gay taboo. When we realized that we were gay, we both went through a phase of self-loathing and tried to change who we are. When we told our parents, they were angry and confused. They couldn't reconcile what they believed in about gay people with the fact that their own sons were gay.
We can offer you the kind of help that our families lacked, based on our knowledge, research, and personal experience. In the book, we offer all of the information that you need about what being gay means, and just as importantly, what it does not . We give you clear, direct, and no-nonsense answers to the questions you might still have, such as:
- Is homosexuality a choice?
- Is there a way to change him?
- Whose fault is it that my son is gay?
- What about what God says?
- What does this mean for my son's future?
Helpful tips in how to talk to your son:
- What to say if you think he might be gay
- What to say when he comes out to you
- What to say if he finds a partner
- How to talk to him about your confusion
- What not to say if you want to keep your relationship intact
- What to say to other family members
The final section of the book gives you lots of clear, practical steps that you can take in order to learn to accept your son for who he is. Once you understand what it means to be gay, you can start the work of building a new and stronger relationship with your son. We give you guidelines to overcome your discomfort and resources that you can rely on during your journey.
We have personal experience, as we both embarked on a journey with our parents once we came out. We also work in fields relevant to LGBT issues and family research.
Grant Andrews has a PhD at the University of the Western Cape, and his research focused on fatherhood and masculinities. He is a researcher and lecturer. His professional focus is on leadership development and capacity building.
Malan van der Walt is currently undergoing training a 3-year Masters programme as an Educational Psychologist at the University of Stellenbosch, and works as a Programme Coordinator at the same institution. He also works with young lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people, and works as a trainer in the field of HIV, gender and sexuality. Malan has helped many young people on their journey to self-acceptance.
By ordering this book, you will equip yourself with deepened knowledge about what your son is going through, and how best to support him.
Please do not hesitate to contact us with any questions or feedback. This is not a commercial endeavour from our part, but a sincere desire to share our knowledge and experience to help families that are struggling:
gc
