From the authors of Jukebox Durie: Football & Music (recomended in Daily Record December 2015) and The Fat Minister's Question Time "The funniest book about Scottish independence" (The Herald) comes the almost true story of what really happened in Scottish football in 2015/16. And it's all true. Almost.
A MESSAGE FROM THE SECRET ASSISTANT MANAGER
Hiya Amazon Browsing Pals,
In June 2015 I was unemployed. I know, pals, it's hard to believe now but, last year, I was the Secret Job Hunter, signing on at 'the Greatest DSS Office in History™' after I'd left my last job entirely by my own choice of accepting the sack.
I walked out of that club not knowing where I'd end up but I had confidence in my ability: no-one knows how to setup cones on a training pitch as well as me, no-one knows how to take cones off a training pitch as well as me. And no-one knows the Boss as well as me.
Well, before you could say "God Save The Queen", I got a call from the Boss last Summer to say he'd landed a job with 'the Greatest Team in History™' and would I do the honour of assisting him. Of course I would - I jumped on a plane and headed straight to Real Madrid!
When I got there I discovered it wasn't the 'Greatest Team in History™' so I jumped on a train to head to Barcelona - and discovered it wasn't them either. I asked the Boss for another clue and he told me to pack my kilt because I was needed in my old home country, Scotland, to manage the best team in the land. I couldn't believe it.
I returned my sombrero to the duty free shop and bought a Ryanair flight to Prestwick and drove straight to Celtic Park, where I found out that 'the Greatest Team in History™' wasn't them either, even though Celtic were the first UK team to win the European Cup and had won the Scottish league for the last three years, and were the champions of Scotland. I was actually going to secretly assist at a different team entirely. I was going to assist at…
…well, I can't tell you that, can I, pals? After all, this is 'The Secret Assistant Manager'.
So I hail, hailed a taxi and went to meet the boss at 'the Greatest Stadium in History™' with its 'World Famous Car Park™' and a 'World Class Training Facilities™'
At that moment I knew I had to tell my pals all about it. It's not every day you get to be the assistant manager (secret) of 'the Greatest Team in History™'. And it's not every day you get to tell the amazing story of how it was cast down to the lower leagues and how it's now on a fantastic journey back to the top of Scottish football.
Read on and you'll meet our dead smart Chairman, a man from overseas who likes nothing better than overinvesting money from his massive war chest. You'll meet the Boss, a former market trader in the City, who's always thinking of the club first. You'll meet the lads: the Captain, the Goalie, the Old Striker and our youth players the Dodger and Fo Sho'. And you'll meet me: the Secret Assistant Manager - and you'll never guess who I am!
In short, pals, you can READ what I WRITE in this very book - and, because you're hearing it straight from the assistant (secret) to the main man's mouth, it's all TRUE. That's why this book has the perfect title, if I do say so myself. This is READ, WRITE & TRUE.
Yer pal,
TSAM
***
CORRECTION
The publishers have informed me that my ghostwriters didn't hear me correctly when I gave them the title of this book. They've called it "Red, White & True" as a play on “Red, White & Blue” even though I clearly called it “Read, Write & True”. Just to be clear, pals, this book is definitely, 100%, not at all, never in a million years, couldn't be further from the truth, no way, no connection, no surrender, anything to do with any club known for its red, white and blue colours - and it's definitely not Rangers!
You'll never guess who I am!
A MESSAGE FROM THE SECRET ASSISTANT MANAGER
Hiya Amazon Browsing Pals,
In June 2015 I was unemployed. I know, pals, it's hard to believe now but, last year, I was the Secret Job Hunter, signing on at 'the Greatest DSS Office in History™' after I'd left my last job entirely by my own choice of accepting the sack.
I walked out of that club not knowing where I'd end up but I had confidence in my ability: no-one knows how to setup cones on a training pitch as well as me, no-one knows how to take cones off a training pitch as well as me. And no-one knows the Boss as well as me.
Well, before you could say "God Save The Queen", I got a call from the Boss last Summer to say he'd landed a job with 'the Greatest Team in History™' and would I do the honour of assisting him. Of course I would - I jumped on a plane and headed straight to Real Madrid!
When I got there I discovered it wasn't the 'Greatest Team in History™' so I jumped on a train to head to Barcelona - and discovered it wasn't them either. I asked the Boss for another clue and he told me to pack my kilt because I was needed in my old home country, Scotland, to manage the best team in the land. I couldn't believe it.
I returned my sombrero to the duty free shop and bought a Ryanair flight to Prestwick and drove straight to Celtic Park, where I found out that 'the Greatest Team in History™' wasn't them either, even though Celtic were the first UK team to win the European Cup and had won the Scottish league for the last three years, and were the champions of Scotland. I was actually going to secretly assist at a different team entirely. I was going to assist at…
…well, I can't tell you that, can I, pals? After all, this is 'The Secret Assistant Manager'.
So I hail, hailed a taxi and went to meet the boss at 'the Greatest Stadium in History™' with its 'World Famous Car Park™' and a 'World Class Training Facilities™'
At that moment I knew I had to tell my pals all about it. It's not every day you get to be the assistant manager (secret) of 'the Greatest Team in History™'. And it's not every day you get to tell the amazing story of how it was cast down to the lower leagues and how it's now on a fantastic journey back to the top of Scottish football.
Read on and you'll meet our dead smart Chairman, a man from overseas who likes nothing better than overinvesting money from his massive war chest. You'll meet the Boss, a former market trader in the City, who's always thinking of the club first. You'll meet the lads: the Captain, the Goalie, the Old Striker and our youth players the Dodger and Fo Sho'. And you'll meet me: the Secret Assistant Manager - and you'll never guess who I am!
In short, pals, you can READ what I WRITE in this very book - and, because you're hearing it straight from the assistant (secret) to the main man's mouth, it's all TRUE. That's why this book has the perfect title, if I do say so myself. This is READ, WRITE & TRUE.
Yer pal,
TSAM
***
CORRECTION
The publishers have informed me that my ghostwriters didn't hear me correctly when I gave them the title of this book. They've called it "Red, White & True" as a play on “Red, White & Blue” even though I clearly called it “Read, Write & True”. Just to be clear, pals, this book is definitely, 100%, not at all, never in a million years, couldn't be further from the truth, no way, no connection, no surrender, anything to do with any club known for its red, white and blue colours - and it's definitely not Rangers!
You'll never guess who I am!
