Hello and welcome to my horrible book of tales. If you’re anything like me you’ll want to set yourself up in a nice comfortable place with some cocoa or, perhaps given the subject matter, a stiff glass of whisky.
Perhaps, before you start, I should tell you a little more about myself and how I came to write this book. My name is Preston ‘Cupcake’ Mulroy. I’m not really sure I like the ‘Cupcake’ moniker but it relates to an incident I had back in the 60’s with a bottle of wine, a vat of icing sugar and an amorous nun. Anyway that little story isn’t referred to here but does go to show that I’m quite old; in fact very old. I’m sorry if that offends but it’s best to be honest isn’t it. Now speaking of honesty I have to tell you that, no matter how unbelievable they seem, all these stories are true. You see the thing is, if I hadn’t been on this planet for so long, I wouldn’t have met so many fascinating people which would mean this little literary adventure wouldn’t exist.
I’ve met lots of folks in lots of situations and, after a while, people seem to just open up to me. Call it a gift if you like but I have to tell you; sometimes I don’t want to listen. So I do the polite thing which usually ends up in the poor soul thanking me for allowing them to unburden their problems. Often they will berate the fact that no one would believe them anyway. I always respond in the same way which is to tell them to write it down. That way, even if no one believes you, at least you’ve got a good yarn to show for it. They most often agree but then ask me write the story although sometimes they want to write it in their own words. The result is a bit of a mish mash of styles I suppose but I like to think that gives them authenticity.
I sincerely hope you enjoy what you read and I’m sure, when you finish, you will be dubious as to the validity of the true story claim. I certainly wouldn’t blame you for that. If it makes it easier just write off everything you’ve read to be the delusions of an old madman, sip the rest of your whisky and leave the awful burden of truth to rest on my shoulders alone. Can you do that? Good let us continue.
Perhaps, before you start, I should tell you a little more about myself and how I came to write this book. My name is Preston ‘Cupcake’ Mulroy. I’m not really sure I like the ‘Cupcake’ moniker but it relates to an incident I had back in the 60’s with a bottle of wine, a vat of icing sugar and an amorous nun. Anyway that little story isn’t referred to here but does go to show that I’m quite old; in fact very old. I’m sorry if that offends but it’s best to be honest isn’t it. Now speaking of honesty I have to tell you that, no matter how unbelievable they seem, all these stories are true. You see the thing is, if I hadn’t been on this planet for so long, I wouldn’t have met so many fascinating people which would mean this little literary adventure wouldn’t exist.
I’ve met lots of folks in lots of situations and, after a while, people seem to just open up to me. Call it a gift if you like but I have to tell you; sometimes I don’t want to listen. So I do the polite thing which usually ends up in the poor soul thanking me for allowing them to unburden their problems. Often they will berate the fact that no one would believe them anyway. I always respond in the same way which is to tell them to write it down. That way, even if no one believes you, at least you’ve got a good yarn to show for it. They most often agree but then ask me write the story although sometimes they want to write it in their own words. The result is a bit of a mish mash of styles I suppose but I like to think that gives them authenticity.
I sincerely hope you enjoy what you read and I’m sure, when you finish, you will be dubious as to the validity of the true story claim. I certainly wouldn’t blame you for that. If it makes it easier just write off everything you’ve read to be the delusions of an old madman, sip the rest of your whisky and leave the awful burden of truth to rest on my shoulders alone. Can you do that? Good let us continue.
