When Mrs Markle, the village post mistress and head puritan, discovers an invasive patch of Himalayan Balsam Weed growing on the banks of the River Brimsmal---right on the edge of the grounds belonging to the country seat of Lord and Lady Hamlet---she enrols the massed ranks of the village idiot elite along with the extremely easily led Lord Hamlet, to join her in its removal.
But when Mrs Heppleheimer---an octogenarian Bavarian barm-pot who is the scourge of the village and its surrounding areas---brings along her Himalayan Balsam Weed Eradicator, or 14lb Mountain Howitzer Cannon as everyone else calls it, all hell breaks loose. This crazy old lady blasts trees, plants, shrubs, bushes and at least three quarters of a newly arrived party of spawning salmon out of the water.
Although numerous attempts are made by the imploring Mrs Markle to the maniacal Mrs Heppleheimer to decease and desist in turning the grounds of Hamlet Hall into a facsimile of the Somme. It only comes to a head when the massed ranks of the Ladies Countryside Alliance---who are having their monthly meeting at Hamlet Hall, discussing topics as varied of fox hunting and the jellified state of their various husband's minds---hear the noise and go to investigate.
As they hone into view as a wall of heated upper-class pomposity, the last cannon ball hits the water, drowning the massed ranks of the Ladies Countryside Alliance under a tsunami of river debris and spawning salmon. This is the cue for the whole village---who had up until this point being enjoying the show--- to up sticks and disappear in the panic, leaving the wholly innocent Mrs Markle holding the taper next to the literal smoking gun while fielding all the blame.
Add to this a villager led rush on cotton wool, the belief that the village is under attack by aliens and a village hall meeting that turns into a battle ground between the Lord of creation and the Norse gods, and you have just another typical 24 hours in the life and times of the Villagers of Sleepy Hamlet.
But when Mrs Heppleheimer---an octogenarian Bavarian barm-pot who is the scourge of the village and its surrounding areas---brings along her Himalayan Balsam Weed Eradicator, or 14lb Mountain Howitzer Cannon as everyone else calls it, all hell breaks loose. This crazy old lady blasts trees, plants, shrubs, bushes and at least three quarters of a newly arrived party of spawning salmon out of the water.
Although numerous attempts are made by the imploring Mrs Markle to the maniacal Mrs Heppleheimer to decease and desist in turning the grounds of Hamlet Hall into a facsimile of the Somme. It only comes to a head when the massed ranks of the Ladies Countryside Alliance---who are having their monthly meeting at Hamlet Hall, discussing topics as varied of fox hunting and the jellified state of their various husband's minds---hear the noise and go to investigate.
As they hone into view as a wall of heated upper-class pomposity, the last cannon ball hits the water, drowning the massed ranks of the Ladies Countryside Alliance under a tsunami of river debris and spawning salmon. This is the cue for the whole village---who had up until this point being enjoying the show--- to up sticks and disappear in the panic, leaving the wholly innocent Mrs Markle holding the taper next to the literal smoking gun while fielding all the blame.
Add to this a villager led rush on cotton wool, the belief that the village is under attack by aliens and a village hall meeting that turns into a battle ground between the Lord of creation and the Norse gods, and you have just another typical 24 hours in the life and times of the Villagers of Sleepy Hamlet.
