Description
I have tried to portray the time leading up to my schizophrenia and the experience of psychosis. I have described how I felt in the world of psychiatry especially in relation to the use of cannabis and the never-ending nightmare of long-term heavy use of medication. I have tried to explore my fears, which are usually buried in ones subconscious but come to the fore with this illness. Deirdre Geraghty
About the Author
Deirdre Geraghty was born in the 1950s in South London, she was the fourth of six children born to Irish immigrant parents. Deirdre describes herself as a 1960s free thinker but the 1970s brought a responsible job and marriage to a director of 'Private Eye' magazine. By the 1980s he was out of work and Deirdre was pregnant. She found employment two years later which led to psychiatric hospital and schizophrenia. This was put down to cannabis use and followed by 5 years of psychosis and a divorce. Deirdre and her son moved to Norwich where she spent many years rocking back and forth heavily medicated. She has only recently woken up.
Book Extract
Things started to happen. My husband started whispering with his friend. They would giggle over the 'phone and he told me about the girl he fancied in the Baker shop. He would go to the pub after work and play darts and leave me to it.
Things started to happen at work. People started to be behaving strangely. And my head started to feel like an over-used switchboard. As though all the lines were busy and calls waiting. I could feel, almost hear all the thought of the others around me. I could feel them all thinking about me. As though they were directing thoughts towards me, pushing me, testing me. Can I cope? Of course I will cope, I thought. I must be strong. I will pass this test. I thought I must be telepathic as I can hear all these thoughts being directed towards me.
My husband seemed to be doing the same thing. They must all be in it together. What's going on? I have never experienced anything like this before but I have to keep this job and my home if I am going to bring up the child on my own. Everything seemed to turn into task, I felt I had to pass all sorts of test and then I would no longer be an outsider.....I would be included, accepted. No longer put through all of this. I just had to remain calm and strong and work out what was going on and all this would stop.
I have tried to portray the time leading up to my schizophrenia and the experience of psychosis. I have described how I felt in the world of psychiatry especially in relation to the use of cannabis and the never-ending nightmare of long-term heavy use of medication. I have tried to explore my fears, which are usually buried in ones subconscious but come to the fore with this illness. Deirdre Geraghty
About the Author
Deirdre Geraghty was born in the 1950s in South London, she was the fourth of six children born to Irish immigrant parents. Deirdre describes herself as a 1960s free thinker but the 1970s brought a responsible job and marriage to a director of 'Private Eye' magazine. By the 1980s he was out of work and Deirdre was pregnant. She found employment two years later which led to psychiatric hospital and schizophrenia. This was put down to cannabis use and followed by 5 years of psychosis and a divorce. Deirdre and her son moved to Norwich where she spent many years rocking back and forth heavily medicated. She has only recently woken up.
Book Extract
Things started to happen. My husband started whispering with his friend. They would giggle over the 'phone and he told me about the girl he fancied in the Baker shop. He would go to the pub after work and play darts and leave me to it.
Things started to happen at work. People started to be behaving strangely. And my head started to feel like an over-used switchboard. As though all the lines were busy and calls waiting. I could feel, almost hear all the thought of the others around me. I could feel them all thinking about me. As though they were directing thoughts towards me, pushing me, testing me. Can I cope? Of course I will cope, I thought. I must be strong. I will pass this test. I thought I must be telepathic as I can hear all these thoughts being directed towards me.
My husband seemed to be doing the same thing. They must all be in it together. What's going on? I have never experienced anything like this before but I have to keep this job and my home if I am going to bring up the child on my own. Everything seemed to turn into task, I felt I had to pass all sorts of test and then I would no longer be an outsider.....I would be included, accepted. No longer put through all of this. I just had to remain calm and strong and work out what was going on and all this would stop.
